I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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