my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
