we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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