Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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