Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
