She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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