I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
