I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
