So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
