honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
