when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
