Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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