I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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