He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
