I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
