Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
