Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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