ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
