god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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