On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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