are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I smell stomach acid.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
