New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
