I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
