Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
