I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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