guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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