I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
