You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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