Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
