Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize