My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
