I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
