Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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