last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
