It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
