i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
