yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she smelled like a LAN party
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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