So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
