I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
