I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
