she was so not down for the gang bang
My pussy is not your playground.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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