i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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