that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
