I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
