I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
