when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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