i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
