I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize