worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
