Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
