Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
