She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
