My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
