We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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