We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
