I like my sex mixed with concussions.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
