it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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