Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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