ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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