Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
