Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
