That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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