walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
