I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize