Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize