Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
