Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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