here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
