I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
