I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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