My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
