I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
