Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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