it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
