whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
