i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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