Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
