I didn't shave. On purpose
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A bitchslap is in order.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
