we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
