it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
