Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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