your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
