When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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