This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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