walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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