My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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