Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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