you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
