there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
