It's like God shit irony all over that family
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
