Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dicks are not precious.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
