So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
