I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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