i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
