mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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