Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
