I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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