Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
