You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
