Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
