he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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