i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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