Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize