Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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