Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
