god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
