we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
