He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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