You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
