Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
