all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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