I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Drake has all the answers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
