think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
