physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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