god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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