i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
