I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
