She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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